Hey, quick question. Since getting the phallo done has this effected your ability to find relationships? Bc I also plan to get a phalloplasty done w/o the vaginectomy, but I’m only afraid that doing so will kill any chances of me being able to pursue a relationship of any kind, ya kno obviously I’d have some p unique stuff goin on in my pants?

I’ve got good news and bad news for ya, Anon.

The good news is, I have had *one* person turn me down for playing around specifically because I had phalloplasty. ONE. And granted, they were super rude about it, but one time’s easy enough to get back up and brush off from.

Also, the good people DO exist. It may be hard to believe sometimes, but they’re out there. I’ve been in a mostly-closed relationship with my partner for twelve years now, and he’s been with me through the whole deal, from “I think I want to get a phalloplasty” to “Hey, it’s been two years since I got a dong!” and everything in between.

I’ll point out that, besides my main relationship I was already in, the only experiences I’ve had are quick hookups at geek or furry conventions. I wasn’t actively looking for a long-term relationship after I’d had surgery, so your mileage may vary for the advice I’m giving.

What I *have* had to deal with are a whole boatload of folks who are only interested in me *because* of my junk– full stop. Especially not being on hormone therapy, I look super femme when I’ve got clothes on, and whenever someone finds out I’ve got both sets of working genitalia, hoo BOY do the fetishists come out.

Keep in mind, I’m kind of a blabbermouth about having had the particular surgery I have, mostly to spread the word to folks for whom it’d give hope that, yup, such a thing CAN be done. But I’ve lost track of the number of times I’ve been asked “So, wait, you’re a real-life [futa/Herm/some other porno category that marginalizes actual trans folks]?” by people who mean well, are super interested in having playtime with me, but they don’t really have any interest in ME per se, just the novelty factor. Like they could cross off some squares on a niche-sex Bingo card or something.

What I’d recommend for you is to keep the “I’ve got both” card close to your chest for two or three dates– enough to sniff out whether there’s mutual attraction to this other person, but not enough to get too attached if they turn out to be a jerk about how you’re literally the best of both worlds. If you’ve found the right person, they won’t think, “Oh, what a freak!” They’ll recognize that you have this thing about you that makes you even MORE special a person, something that opens up a bunch more possibilities in the bedroom, and like you for YOU. Your mind *and* your body.

As my partner said when I explained to him why I kept wearing a packer and *needed* it on my body whenever we fooled around, “You’re gonna have to explain some things to me. But I’m game if you are!”

TL;DR know how special you are for being you, and don’t settle for someone who thinks your qualities are things to “put up with.” And best of luck out there!

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