One thing I’ve learned from the entire process of phalloplasty, from step 1 (“I’m going to start saving for one TODAY”): if nothing else, going through this process will teach you the patience of a *monk.*
That’s what I’d say is the hardest part of getting a phalloplasty, really– it’s not the pain, it’s not the money, it’s the *waiting.* Waiting for insurance companies to call you back to tell you how many therapists and/or psychiatrists you need letters from to have a case they’ll consider funding. Waiting to build up the funds. Waiting for a consultation date from a doctor. Then, hopefully, waiting for a surgery date after that.
I’m afraid I can’t tell you a dependable way to work through that besides the old “keep putting one foot in front of the other and *knowing* there’s a light at the end of that tunnel, even if you can’t see it yet” chestnut. It took me seven years, mostly fumbling around cluelessly, but I made it.
What I *can* offer is: times are changing, and WOW, can they ever change fast when they do. My surgeon, Dr. Crane, wasn’t even on the scene when I started looking for surgeons four years back– heck, not even *two* years. His apprentice, Dr. Chen, is turning out nigh-identical work, and started surgeries only months ago. My insurance wouldn’t touch me until six solid months of hounding down anyone who could tell me what “medically necessary” meant, but that line that allowed for trans surgeries ‘when medically necessary’ was added only recently. You seriously never know when someone’s going to move the goalposts in your favor.
Getting a phalloplasty takes a lot of hard work and dedication, but it’s doable. And like I’ve said before, I never knew the strength of willpower I had until I *needed* to have it. I wish both your partner and you the best of luck when discovering how very strong you both can be on this journey. :3
Chinchilla Meat 