SUCCESS!

Out from the surgery with Dr. Crane to fix my urethral stricture and feelin’ surprisingly fine/lucid, if a bit sore around the area involved.

The scar tissue stricture was super dense, but short– enough to sew together the ends of the urethra without even needing to harvest any tissue from the inside of my mouth to connect any gap. Turned out to be a best case scenario. Finally! I could use one of those by now. :3

For Worried Anon!

I realize my last answer was a little vague numbers-wise, so to give some perspective of how rare the troubles I’m having really are, I offer this:

When I had phalloplasty, Dr. Crane and his team had done about 150 phalloplasties already.

So far, how many of those patients have had scar-tissue strictures like mine, *including* me?

3.

Those kind of odds are what I meant by “improbable.” So know what’s *possible* when you’re going in, sure– but honestly, I wouldn’t worry *too* much.

First off I want to thank you so much for so openly documenting your process here as it’s been so helpful and informative. But I’m definitely worried by all of the setbacks you’ve faced. Are these things common? The urethral scarring? Infections? Thank you in advance for your response.

I’ve been a little hesitant to relay all the bad things going on for this exact reason– the stuff that’s been going on with me is NOT the usual story that’ll happen if you undergo a phalloplasty. Strictures and infections are a POSSIBILITY. Not *probable.* I happen to’ve been particularly “lucky.”

But just like I can’t give individualized advice about other people’s bodies, I can’t predict how other people’s bodies are going to react to surgery. I wish I could offer something more reassuring than that, but: I want to make sure going in that people know what *could* happen, even if it probably *won’t* happen.

Okay so I’ve been looking it up but have had no real answers. How realistic looking is the phalloplasty?

The way I’ve been personally measured how “realistic” my phallus is, is between 1) having several nurses and doctors take a look at it, as well as 2) asking an informal group of guys in the back room of a San Francisco gay bar. Between those two samples, I figure I had all bases covered.

Group 1 has been continually surprised at how “factory-made” mine looks, especially after the 3-month healing mark, and Group 2 was extremely vocal in how appealing it is. “I’ve seen a LOT of dicks, and that ranks up there as at *least* a 9 out of 10,” were one guy’s exact words.

When it comes down to it, though, my mentality going in was that my dick was never going to look “perfect.” No matter what, *everybody* has something they’d rather be different about their body. Some people want freckles. Some folks don’t have a thigh gap. My urethra opens a *tiny itty bit* over to the right more than I’d like. As I see it, my fabricated dong was going to face the same random-characteristic draw as it would if I was born with it: I would be content what my results would be, accordingly.

Month 4 ½-ish.

Movin’ slow this past week.

I’m in diapers again. For some reason, Spot has started leaking short, heavy bursts of the most foul-smelling urine, despite my already having a catheter in. At random. All through the day. Through the urethral stricture that’s already there, so whenever it happens, as urine is actually coming out, I am in UPPERCASE amounts of pain. The catheter opening’s been starting to leak tiny amounts of blood, too.

I’ve been told by my surgeon’s staff that this is something that can happen when a catheter’s in for a long time, and that I need to get my tube changed. Fair enough; it HAS been in for five weeks, and there’s still four weeks until my Final Boss Battle Surgery to get my urethra fixed from the mess of scar tissue it is now.

However, I just got told my usual doctor isn’t authorized to do this. I thought she was. Really should’ve double-checked on that, in hindsight. So, come Monday, it’s time for me to go re-catheterization shopping. And to have very little idea what’s going on with my crotch until then, other than that it’s drippy and smells awful.

I’ve been asked by two people now whether I regret having phalloplasty, and my response is a DEFINITE no. Not even through the complications I’ve been having. The humiliation of having to rush home from work to change my soaked pants. Or of being back in diapers. Or the pain. It’s still all been worth it. I recognize these are temporary problems, and can’t wait to finally write my name in the snow come winter. (I’m thinking cursive.)

It’s just… it’s been really, really hard this week. But, I promised to give my whole personal story when I started this blog, and if pain and uncertainty are temporary stopping points at the moment– even if most people going through phalloplasty will never have this happen, and I’m glad about that– I’m not going to hide this part, either.

Also, wanted to make sure to get a shot of under Spot’s head, ‘cause if nothing else, the area *around* the urethral opening’s been healing up like a charm. :3

Month 4. (Easier than going day by day, at this point.)

I wanted to bring up an important point for any of you who’re eventually going to go through phalloplasty, and that’s that it took me *four days* to muster up the courage to take this pic of my suprapubic catheter’s entry site.

Thankfully, nothing was infected when I finally looked at it, but it makes me realize the truth of something Dr. Crane and his staff told me: You *have.* To look. At your surgery site. To keep yourself healthy post-surgery. Buy a hand mirror. Use the reflection off whichever bathroom or bedroom mirror can reach down there. Just look at it SOMEHOW.

‘Cause I get it. For most of us, looking at our junk is something we’ve trained ourselves NOT to do, right? Out of sight, out of mind.

But this could’ve gone *so* much more badly than it did. All I had to go by was an awful smell coming from the catheter site. Does that mean it’s infected? No. Should I have checked to make sure a lot sooner than I did? YES.

Please. Don’t take that kind of head-in-the-sand chance with your health, any of you.

i just wanna thank you so so much for being this open abt everything. its so helpful to other ftms and i just want you to know how amazing it is for others to see your journey!! also your dick looks so great im impressed!!!

Woo! Thanks for the support, yeah? So glad this blog’s of any help to folks out there– most of you thankfully won’t have to go back for a Round 2 and 3 like I do, but I’ll be documenting what happens on my end no matter what! :3