Images

gerbilfluff:

I’m puzzling over a wee bit of a dilemma, y’all.

See, I have a photo of myself from Saturday I want to share *everywhere,* I’m THAT proud of it. It’s not the photo above. It’s WAY better. But I’m not sure that I can. It is, as the kids say nowadays, too pure.

In the pic I’m talking about, I’m in a perfect superhero pose: hands on hips, head thrust back, huge smile, in the exact body I want, with that rainbow flag behind me as a cape.

It’s victory and joy incarnate. And for once– this ONE TIME– I’d prefer that folks not be fapping to it. But I know the Internet doesn’t work that way.

Once I’d post it, it’s out of my hands forever, and that means it could show up anywhere. Porn sites I’d never see a penny from. Chan boards. Oh, wow, the memes people could make from this pic. “Lass Lad to the Rescue.” “Supertr—y’s Power Is Turning You Gay.” I KNOW the Internet can think of worse. I don’t want to be some alt/-whatever forum’s shared pic of the day. Not with *this* one.

But it’s so perfect, part of me is howling! You should totally at least share it on the phalloplasty blog! It’d show folks who are still struggling that you can MAKE it, that you can win in the end!

It’s true, I’ve shared dang near every inch of my body over there before. Just not… this. Not this kind of vulnerability.

Maybe people have to PM me, off anon, for me to send it? Maybe if *I* macro something onto it first? Ugh. I just don’t know. I feel bad for keeping this particular sparkle under a basket, but. But. BUT.

Anyone got any thoughts? I’d welcome ‘em.

Anyone?

Bueller…?

This is my view of Spot for the next week and a half or so. Don’t worry, it doesn’t hurt!

My last stage of a buccal-graft (rebuilt with inside-of-the-mouth tissue) urethroplasty was this past Friday. I went home that same day, and I’ve been more or less asleep until today.

I low-key feel like I have to pee, all the time. This is normal, the same as any other time I’ve had a catheter in, though this time they’re giving me medication twice a day to prevent bladder spasms.

*Unlike* most other times, this stage of urethroplasty had me under total sedation, so they had to put a breathing tube down my throat during the surgery. I had a sore throat for the first couple days; it’s all fine again now.

Siiiigh. A year and a half of stricture complications since June 2015, and fingers crossed, this is THE LAST chapter in the Spot Surgery Saga. I have the catheter taken out two weeks after the surgery– as my doctor put it, “You’ll be peeing in a bag for Christmas, and standing up for 2017.”

Can’t wait. 83

You are looking at the strangest turn of luck I’ve ever experienced.

That up there? Is a kidney stone. It’s about the size of a dime, and has formed itself to be covered in spikes.

I just tore this crafty bastard out from my own urethra, *only* because of the hole my surgeon cut into me over five months ago in a last-ditch attempt to keep my repeated strictures from ruining said urethra.

This thing would have *shredded* poor Spot, if it had been left inside. And out it popped, precisely because I’d had so many complications with my phalloplasty.

Folks, I’m floored.

Also wheezing with relief that my last urologist checkup before they sew up the urethral hole underneath Spot’s base this December 16th happens to be tomorrow.

…Seriously, I want to have this thing bronzed.

Good news!! FINALLY some good news.

I didn’t even need a cystoscopy today, like was planned. Dr. Elliott went in with dilation tools, as seen here– which I want to assure everyone, was COMPLETELY painless, by the way!– and tried going down Spot’s urethra as far as he could ahead of time, to check for scarring.

He found no blockage. NONE. The mouth skin graft to make a new urethra back in June took 100%!! This is *fantastic* news!

I still need to chill a few months to make absolutely, *positively* sure the scarring isn’t coming back again, but my final surgery is already scheduled for December 16th, where they’ll sew shut my current urinary hole under the penis base and redirect Spot’s new urethra for good, after which I can get back to standing while peeing again.

Can’t wait~!

gerbilfluff:

Hey, all. Gonna be disappearing for a while starting next Tuesday, for between two weeks and up to a whole month.

Remember that alcoholism deal I was wrestling with? Yeah. So do I. And it’s getting a little bit better, but even after months of outpatient therapy, it’s not going away, so I’m calling in The Big Guns.

Thing is, I’m not allowed to use a cell phone while I’m inside the inpatient ward I’ll be at. Which is a full 99% of my Internet access at this time.

You’re all so amazing, and I’ll miss every one of you. Be kind to yourselves while I’m gone, yeah? I’ll try my best to do the same.

This’ll be right after my (fingers crossed!) second-to-last urethral surgery to fix my complications Monday morning, so I’ll try to have a report on that before I’m offline.

Word to the wise: if at any point you need a suprapubic catheter hooked up to you, and you’ve got a belly with some overhang, like I do, make sure you’re lifting it up and putting sterile, dry gauze over the entry site SERIOUSLY every day.

I could’ve had my catheter out with my urethroplasty yesterday, but because I’d been slacking off when it came to changing the gauze, not really checking if it was staying in place under my belly hang… yeah, even after six weeks of having a cath in, the area shouldn’t be looking *that* red. Got myself a nice little infection, which didn’t halt the surgery, but it means I have to keep it in for another week until I run a full antibiotics course.

So I’m having lunch with a friend yesterday, who surprises me with… a clown nose.

“Oh, right! For that one charity,” I remark. “Sorry, but I’m not sure if I’ll wear it. Not really into clown noses…”

“Pff,” she replies, waving the idea away with her hand. “I didn’t get it for YOU. I got it for SPOT.”

And this, lovely followers, is why I have the *best* friends. :3

NOW PLAYING in a certain phallo blogger’s insides– it’s “Stricture 2: This Shit Again”!

Remember that urologist appointment I mentioned having today? Well, I finally got an answer to why I’d still been on-and-off incontinent since the stricture removal in December, and the reason’s simple: The same scar tissue buildup (or “stricture”) that was making me incontinent back then is growing back in the exact same place.

The first surgery wasn’t a *total* loss– the stricture’s growing way, way slower this time. That explains why peeing hasn’t hurt, for now. But you see that squeezed-off pinchy bit in the x-ray? It’s gonna *start* hurting again, just like last time, if I don’t take action fairly soon.

I’ve got two options. Now that my docs know the scar tissue will just keep growing back in the same place if it’s scraped clear, I can either:

1.) agree to *another* surgery (done locally, this time; that part’s nice) that’ll take skin from the inside of my mouth and roll it into a whole new section of urethra, during which I’ll have to sit down to pee for at least 6 months while the new buccal-made urethra proves itself viable against the skin already there or not, with an estimated 70% success rate, OR…

2.) I can pass on the surgery, and instead insert what’s basically a sounding rod all the way through my penis, to bust up any new scar tissue as it regrows. Every day. Until… forever.

[head in hands, sighing] Y’know? I’m not happy about the choices I have to pick from, but *knowing* that something super rare and bad is happening is better to me than having to toss up my hands and shrug every time I’d lose bladder control. I’ll take a scary, concrete opponent to a mystery any day.