Before I get to the meat of your question, Anon, I think one thing that’s been overlooked so far is the sheer amount of gatekeeping there is on the medical side of things to keep people who identify as trans AWAY from hormones and surgeries.

I can say now, oh yes, I saw such-and-such doctor at This Name’s clinic between X and Z years– but you don’t see the months upon months of waiting to get in to even *see* those doctors, nor the piles of paperwork and therapy visits I had to undergo, to see if I was determined to be a good candidate for hormones or surgery. Then I had literal years wrangling with my insurance company at the time– then leaving them, and spending months of calling the representatives from a *different* insurance company– every morning after that, before I found somebody who could tell me how I could qualify for having my bottom surgery be deemed “medically necessary.” Back to the doctors’ schedulers again, to get the paperwork my insurance AND my surgeon team required.

They’re not handing out hormones or surgeries like candy, I’ll just say that.

But *speaking* of gatekeeping. I noticed that a lot of the hate mail I’ve gotten recently came *from other trans folks,* who were adamant that I didn’t “count” as a REAL trans person.

This… really saddens me. Not because I give their opinion that kind of sway over me, but because there are apparently folks out there who know what it’s like to have the whole world try to outvote who they are– and when somebody comes up who isn’t doing things by *their* rules, they act to *perpetuate* that same kind of gatekeeping onto someone else.

I’m rambling a bit, Anon. Forgive me. The short answer to your question is: I think anyone who feels they might be trans… might be trans. And anybody who identifies as a gender other than what they were declared at birth, IS trans. No obstacle course should be needed to prove you’re the “right” kind of trans. It really shouldn’t be more complicated than that.

Now, having said that, I *do* happen to have a friend who’s stopped taking hormones and transitioning altogether. It was not an overnight whim. They spent *years* contemplating this. And this person has had no end of shit flung at them from all sides, online and off, because– again– theirs wasn’t the usual game plan. All I can say in a case like that is, people change, sometimes more drastically over a lifetime than other people, and I don’t think it’s anybody’s call but the person in question to make that decision.

WOW that was one of my more rambly answers, haha. Points to you for reading through all that! :3

Thanks so much for the concern, Anon! And don’t worry– phalloplasty is good at bringing out people’s strong sides. Heck, if I could have surgeons take the skin off my arm and leg to make a dong, heal all that up, and still be standing tall? Having people I’ve never met insult me for doing so is NOTHING, haha.

Though I should mention, if you’re after pics: most of the photos taken soon after my surgery are near the beginning of the blog. There’s nearly three years’ worth of Asks in between by now, but Spot’s birthday photos, taken from Day 1 on, are in there, I swear! :3

Nah. Not done being awesome yet. You’re stuck with me, Anon. Spot and all. :3

Thanks for bearing with me through this nonsense, everybody. I really, *really* don’t want to turn off the anon-ask feature, ‘cause I know folks are usually more comfortable sending private/confidential questions anonymously, but if a few randos keep acting… [gestures above] like this… I’ll let y’all know if I end up having to change that policy. I hope I won’t, but I figure you’ll understand if I do. This wasn’t even the only ask like this I got, *today.* I can handle ugliness like this, no problem– but to be honest, it’s getting kind of annoying.

I’ll be getting back to regular asks in a day or two, here, after I try out this nifty new Block feature I just found out about. [wiggles fingers over keyboard]

Me: haha, “Snoopy tits.” I don’t care if that’s meant to be an insult, I’m using that. X3

Also me: oh wow, if you’re going to hate me, Anon, hate me for something I actually DID! Where did I ever say I take progesterone? Did you mean Depo-Provera? ‘Cause that’s not– wait… IS it…?

[one Google later]

Huh. I stand corrected, Anon. I sincerely thank you for educating me, and can understand why this might cause some confusion! I was not aware Depo-Provera IS, in fact, a form of progesterone. I was only taking it to stop having periods, because very, VERY few men’s rooms have any sort of tampon disposal boxes.

That aside, the last couple asks have taken this blog rather off-topic, so I would ask that you come off Anon and message me directly, if you’re not afraid to chat with me. You seem to be convinced that my existence somehow fetishizes people that I never intended to fetishize, and I’d like to clear up some things if I can.

Otherwise, I’m not sure what you’re trying to accomplish here. You’re not ruining my day with all these messages or anything. You could be doing something more useful with your time than trying to convince me I should be ashamed of myself, because– to put it quite simply– I am made of love, and it’s stronger than you. :3

So over the past few days, I’ve been getting a number of hatemail anons from what I think is just one person, because they all keep using the same sort of phrases in a different order.

Everyone else, please allow me a moment here, to see if I’m getting this person’s logic right. In getting phalloplasty so that I could more easily be accepted as a guy, and in the process, unexpectedly losing my long-standing fear of being perceived as feminine and coming to embrace myself as a nonbinary person, that somehow means… that I fetishize trans women and intersex people? Is that what you’re insinuating?

Because you obviously feel very passionately about the idea that what I’ve done for myself is wrong. To be honest, Anon Who Keeps Sending Me Angry Messages, I’m more than a little concerned for you. The idea that somebody else has finally found peace in their own body in an unconventional way really shouldn’t be making you THIS upset.

Remember to breathe, Anon. There’s room in this big ol’ world for all kinds of people. Yourself AND myself included.

One storebought copy of “My Gender Workbook” later, I was flush with new energy. I didn’t feel confident enough to come out as trans yet, not until I was 25, but the language was finally, FINALLY in my vocabulary.

As far as the earliest time I knew something was different, that would be when I was in first grade or so, and realized I had no female friends. The other kids would automatically assume was a boy until told otherwise, but I couldn’t stand how the boys would treat me differently from then on. Not long after that, when my teachers started to scold me for being unladylike, I dumped everything “boy” and strove to get an A+ in Being A Girl. I’d even make lists of what I could and couldn’t wear (no dinosaurs, unless they were pink or purple), and practiced acting like the girls in toy commercials.

As you can see, that didn’t last forever, either. :3

Aha, the trolls are starting to come out. Took you a while, didn’t it?

There’s a bunch more where this came from, that got a lot nastier. I just hope y’all realize, every time someone anon-sends me hate mail, I print it out to ball it up and stuff my Snorlax bean bag chair with it.

The more you rage, the comfier my chair gets. Hate to break it to ya. :3

I’ve
been getting a bunch of really good asks lately, but they’re the kind
of asks I really don’t have an answer for– like, would a phalloplasty
surgeon do (or not do) X, Y, or Z procedure.

Rest assured I’ve
contacted Dr. Crane’s office about your questions, and am waiting to
hear back from someone on his team with more concrete answers. Though
given it’s a holiday/long weekend, I don’t expect a response for a
couple days yet.

Thanks for your patience, everybody! :3

Hiya, new followers! :3

For those of you here from Oh Joy Sex Toy (which is one of my FAVORITE comics out there– so educational, heartfelt, and fun~!), a hearty welcome!

Phalloplasty is a surgical method of taking skin from elsewhere on the body, generally the forearm, thigh, or stomach, and crafting a dong with it.

Most people opt to remove their factory plumbing when they have this surgery; I did not, and have been using this blog to show people that phalloplasty without a vaginectomy IS possible, if that’s what you need to be fully at home in your body! 😀

I had my phalloplasty under the care of Dr. Crane and his surgery team in San Francisco on June 17, 2015, and though I had a rocky road of complications on my own journey, I can confidently say I have no regrets, and this surgery was a lifesaver for me. I hope you enjoy your time here, learning about Spot. (Yes, I nicknamed it. I waited 35 years, I can give my dong a nickname, haha.)

I still haven’t gotten around to calling Dr. Crane’s office to clear up the post directly before this one, d’oh– but hey, what better reason to do so later today than having a bunch of new eyes on the blog, eh?

Oh, gosh, this is surprising (and confusing) news to me! He was very adamant when I met him that the decision of what to remove or not be left up to me. If his policy has changed since 2015, all I can say is, that’s very unfortunate, and I wonder why he’d do that.

Liability issues, perhaps? Or to prevent a higher probability of complications? That’s totally only my guessing, don’t take it to be his actual reason– but that’s the only logic I could see in changing policy like that.

I should call his office later today and look into this, so I can make sure I’m not steering people towards him for surgery options he may or may not be offering anymore. I really *hope* he’s still allowing phallo without hysto! But thank you for making me aware of this. I’ll update this blog with whatever I find.