Random food for thought: Both.

And suddenly, as I showed him the phone photo of my junk, the guy at the anime convention who’d been hitting on me for the past half hour paused.

“That’s… *that’s* your dick?” he asked, looking confusedly at the screen.

I nodded. “And my vagina.”

He snickered. “Can’t believe I’m saying this, but… you’re too freaky for me.”

“Tch. Your loss,” I sneered back at him.

We went our own ways into the night.

It’s interesting. I haven’t had many self-proclaimed drag queens show interest in me until this last weekend’s convention, but if the question ever comes up, I find cis and trans folks tend to react along the same lines if they hear I’ve got both parts.

The trans people tend to raise an eyebrow. I get a lot of “Why would you DO that?” Why would I go as far as most trans guys’ hopes and dreams could take them, and then stop halfway, keeping my factory original parts? It’s the same question I got from every phalloplasty surgeon I saw before I met with Dr. Crane. It’s expected that everyone will want the same thing. A surgery, then B surgery, then C, then D. As far from the side of the fence I was plunked onto as humanly possible.

(Heck, one trans guy I talked to once was upset with me for not transitioning to be a “full” man. Called me a traitor. [shrug] To each their own.)

The cis folks who hear I’m packing double have a different, but no less predictable, response. From young dudebro guys to little old ladies, anyone so far who’s had it come up in conversation has had the same reaction: “Have you thought about doing porn? You could make *so much money!”*

I don’t doubt it. I’d need to get clearance from my partner first, but I’d be lying if I said the thought had never crossed my mind.

Still, I met with a lot of folks at Anime Detour’s Trans Alliance and It Gets Better panels, and the response was undeniable: for some folks, A+B+C+D just isn’t going to work for their peace of mind. And though there may be only two surgeons I know of who’ll currently allow you to get, say, just B and C, not the whole package, it’s my hope that more and more doctors will acknowledge the changing tides and start looking into piecemeal physical gender reassignment.

I know what I am. And though I may check the M box every time I have to choose, my heart’s not set in only a M or F box.

My gratitude for living in a time where I could change my body to reflect exactly that is constant and ever-joyful. :3

Hey! Fellow trans guy here planning Alt phallo with Crane. I wanted to ask how you are doing, and if you’re happy with your results. Any pointers or helpful information is truly appreciated. Thank you!

Short answer: OH EM GEE THIS HAS BEEN *AWESOME.*

Long answer: I’m not sure how much of our experiences would change with you having an ALT donor site and me having RFF, but here’s what I can say:

– Everything is going to be unbelievably smelly, beyond gross-looking, and covered in stitches and marker lines for more or less the first two weeks solid. That’s perfectly normal.

– That said: if there’s any foul-smelling pus buildup, *call your surgeon.* Yes, even the direct cell phone line you’ll be given, if need be. There’s going to be all kinds of bodily fluid alchemy going on to start with, but pus shouldn’t be a part of it.

– You’re not going to get much rest for the first leg of your progress. Round-the-clock nurse checks to make sure blood’s flowing everywhere it should will do that. I suggest making a playlist of calming songs, so you can at least *trick* your body into feeling rested while you’re still in the hospital, if you’re not an easy sleeper.

– Tasks that feel like they shouldn’t be a big deal will be a HUGE deal in those first couple weeks after surgery. Technically, I managed to take a taxi to a Gays Can Get Married Now Pride party six days after my phalloplasty, but SHOULD I have gone? No. Noooooonononono. I was flopsweating like a fiend and THIS close to fainting the whole time I was there. Be the Gallant to my Goofus. Take things slower than you think you’d need to, for a couple days longer than you think you’d need to.

– YOU CAN DO THIS. I wasn’t sure if I could do this, at the start. Turns out, when I needed to, I did. And man, if *I* could plow my way through the healing process, you *definitely* can. :3

No sugar-coating: I had three initial fistulas right under the ridge of my head, all of which sealed up perfectly with a good slathering of Medihoney gel. Since then, several months after the fact, I’ve had two strictures, the first of which was so bad I couldn’t force any pee through it at all. If it’s at all possible for you to set aside the money for at least one more trip to San Francisco and back– my complications were rare, I’ll stress that part. But if you’re one of the “lucky” ones like me (and there’s really no way to know beforehand, until you’re there), you do *not* want to have to end up staring down the barrel of an unforeseen complication.

But oh, man. Oh, MAN. I can’t even describe to you how amazing it feels to feel *whole.* To step up to the urinals, and hear any uneasy murmurings from anyone else there fade to nothingness as I haul out Spot and start pissing away.

Either way, best of luck to ya! Spot and I wish you both an easy and happy trip. :3

Just so everybody’s on the same page:

I don’t know when it’ll start showing up, but there’s going to be a lot of sounding photos on this blog as I document my stricture treatment soon. If you’re not cool with that, no harm no foul, but you might want to unfollow me now if you’re squicked by that.

And just to reiterate: this is NOT what usually comes along with a phalloplasty. I really REALLY don’t want to shy anyone away from the procedure just because *my* immune system *in particular* doesn’t know how to handle new tissue. I’m just documenting my own experience, good and bad, however rare it might be.

NOW PLAYING in a certain phallo blogger’s insides– it’s “Stricture 2: This Shit Again”!

Remember that urologist appointment I mentioned having today? Well, I finally got an answer to why I’d still been on-and-off incontinent since the stricture removal in December, and the reason’s simple: The same scar tissue buildup (or “stricture”) that was making me incontinent back then is growing back in the exact same place.

The first surgery wasn’t a *total* loss– the stricture’s growing way, way slower this time. That explains why peeing hasn’t hurt, for now. But you see that squeezed-off pinchy bit in the x-ray? It’s gonna *start* hurting again, just like last time, if I don’t take action fairly soon.

I’ve got two options. Now that my docs know the scar tissue will just keep growing back in the same place if it’s scraped clear, I can either:

1.) agree to *another* surgery (done locally, this time; that part’s nice) that’ll take skin from the inside of my mouth and roll it into a whole new section of urethra, during which I’ll have to sit down to pee for at least 6 months while the new buccal-made urethra proves itself viable against the skin already there or not, with an estimated 70% success rate, OR…

2.) I can pass on the surgery, and instead insert what’s basically a sounding rod all the way through my penis, to bust up any new scar tissue as it regrows. Every day. Until… forever.

[head in hands, sighing] Y’know? I’m not happy about the choices I have to pick from, but *knowing* that something super rare and bad is happening is better to me than having to toss up my hands and shrug every time I’d lose bladder control. I’ll take a scary, concrete opponent to a mystery any day.

Lmao @ your post about the “crane plumbing” urinal because I’ve got a dick pic with one of those when I flew out of state and pissed at the car rental. Ahh good stuff.

Ah…! As a matter of fact, I *did* end up getting a pic of that when I came back from San Francisco in December! Apparently the MSP airport doesn’t have any from that supplier anymore after some construction, but I found one at, of all places, the business that’d been fixing my car a few days afterwards! I’ll have to post that, haha. Kudos for the reminder! 😀

Mystery phallo guy here. Turns out my stricture issue was worse than expected. Guess we’re in the same sort of boat? I’ve had three surgeries so far to try and fix the stricture. That’s a total of two whole months with a foley! Even more fun, right? -_- Best of luck to you and Spot!

Ugh, my heart goes out to you! Bodies can be jerks sometimes, especially when healing, can’t they?

The one upside to being cath’ed, at least, that I heard from a nurse watching me after my second surgery fix: “Now you can watch the Lord of the Rings extended versions back to back, and not have to get up to use the bathroom even once! You’d never miss a thing.”

So… silver linings, I guess? Best wishes back to you in the meantime! We’ll get through this. :3

Was it difficult to penetrate with the doubled up condoms? I’ve heard mixed opinions on whether they make you firm enough

(oh gosh, the Tumblr app I use didn’t show me this message ‘till today– sorry if I made you wait, yeah?)It was an interesting feeling, to be sure. Sort of like trying to stuff a tube of bread dough into the toy. The condoms definitely helped with the firmness needed to press through, but I was so floppy to begin with that it wasn’t *that* much of a boost.

Keep in mind, I hadn’t had many sensation nerves knit together at this point yet, so the whole experience felt rather muffled. Like, I could *see* what was happening, but I couldn’t feel much.

People’s personal mileage with the technique may vary, of course; I haven’t consulted with any other phallo patients to see if it worked for them or not. For me: it was fun, especially when I added more lube, but it didn’t exactly turn me on.

9 months.

So I’ve got some friends who are going through surgery at the moment, and one of the things I keep hearing from at least a couple of them is “What if it doesn’t turn out to look any good?”

I counter: Spot is *anything* but Photoshop-perfect. He’s chubby. He’s floppy. He’s still covered in scars. His head has deflated a bit by now. And you know what? I wouldn’t change a thing about him, because that’s SPOT, as I know him, and I’ve grown to love him so, so much.

Could do without the random uncontrollable urination bombs Spot drops on me every once in a while, but thankfully I’m seeing a Dr. Elliot at the University of Minnesota who can hopefully put those to rest, or at least explain them, on the 21st of this month.